When my husband and I had our first child, we were beyond grateful that my mother-in-law offered to help with babysitting. As a new mom returning to work, knowing that my baby was in the hands of family gave me peace of mind. But that peace was soon disrupted when she sat us down one evening and calmly said, “I think I should be compensated for my time.”
I was taken aback. She had offered to help, and I had assumed it was out of love for her grandchild. I never expected to pay her like a hired nanny. My husband and I exchanged uneasy glances. We weren’t sure how to respond. “You want to be paid?” I asked, hoping I had misheard.
“Yes,” she replied. “I love my grandchild, but babysitting is work. I’m giving up my time, and I think it’s fair to be compensated.”
I couldn’t help but feel hurt. I had always envisioned my child growing up surrounded by family who would cherish their time together, not charge by the hour. My parents had never asked for a dime when they babysat my siblings’ children. In fact, they jumped at the chance to help.
Still, I tried to see it from her perspective. She had retired early and wasn’t bringing in an income. Maybe she felt taken advantage of. But wasn’t family supposed to support each other without financial expectations?
We asked her how much she had in mind. She laid out a weekly rate that was surprisingly close to what we would pay a professional babysitter. My stomach sank. We couldn’t afford that without making sacrifices. My husband suggested a compromise—covering her gas and any extra expenses she had while watching the baby. She hesitated but ultimately agreed, though I could tell she wasn’t thrilled.
The dynamic between us changed after that conversation. The warmth and excitement she once showed when babysitting seemed to fade. It felt more like a job to her now, and I couldn’t help but feel resentful.
Eventually, my husband and I made the tough decision to look for alternative childcare. We found a trusted daycare, and while it was an adjustment, it took away the strain that money had put on our relationship with my mother-in-law.
She wasn’t happy when we told her, but I reminded her that she had made it clear she wanted compensation. We just couldn’t afford it. She brushed it off, saying, “I didn’t think you’d actually go elsewhere.”
In the end, I realized that expectations around family and money don’t always align. What one person sees as a favor, another might see as labor. While I wish things had gone differently, I learned a valuable lesson: when it comes to family and money, it’s best to have open conversations early on to avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
Our relationship is still mending, but I hope that one day, she’ll look at her grandchild and realize that some things—like love and time spent together—are priceless.
