We Adopted a 4-Year-Old Girl — Just a Month Later, My Wife Demanded, ‘We Should Give Her Back’
Adopting a child was supposed to be the start of a beautiful new chapter in our lives. My wife, Emily, and I had spent years discussing it, preparing our home, and envisioning the joy of giving a child a loving family. When we were finally matched with a 4-year-old girl named Lily, we felt like everything had fallen into place. But just a month later, Emily shocked me with five heartbreaking words: “We should give her back.”
The words hung in the air, heavy with implications I could hardly process. I stared at her, expecting some indication that she didn’t mean it, that it was just a moment of frustration. But her expression was serious, almost pleading. “I can’t do this,” she whispered. “I thought I could, but I was wrong.”
Lily had been through a difficult past. Coming from foster care, she was slow to trust us. She had nightmares, refused to eat certain foods, and threw tantrums when overwhelmed. But wasn’t this expected? Didn’t we know this journey wouldn’t be easy? I had thought Emily understood that too.
“Emily,” I said, my voice shaking, “we made a promise to her. We can’t just give up.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I don’t love her, James. I thought I would, but I don’t. And I feel like a horrible person saying it, but it’s the truth.”
I felt a knot tighten in my stomach. How could she say this? How could she look at this little girl—our daughter—and just decide to walk away? I had bonded with Lily, despite the challenges. Yes, it was hard, but every small moment—her tentative hugs, the way she held my hand when she was scared—felt like a victory. I wasn’t ready to let her go.
Over the next few days, tension filled our home. Emily withdrew, barely interacting with Lily. She claimed she was exhausted, that she wasn’t cut out for motherhood after all. I suggested therapy, support groups—anything that could help her connect with Lily. She refused.
“I can’t fake this, James,” she told me one night. “She deserves a mother who truly loves her. Not one who feels trapped.”
That’s when I realized the terrible truth: If Emily stayed, she wouldn’t be the mother Lily needed. But if she left—if I fought for Lily and refused to give her back—our marriage might not survive.
It felt impossible. I had never imagined choosing between my wife and the child we had promised to love. But in my heart, I knew one thing for sure: I couldn’t abandon Lily. Not after everything she had already been through.
“I won’t give her back,” I told Emily. “If you want to leave, I won’t stop you.”
Emily’s silence was deafening.
And so, the hardest decision of my life loomed before me—one I never thought I’d have to make.
