1. The Job Interview
Interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
Me: “Well, I’d say my biggest weakness is listening.”
(That’s one way to dodge the question!)
2. The Smartest Dog
A man walks into a bar with a dog and claims, “This dog can talk!”
The bartender rolls his eyes. “Oh yeah? Prove it.”
The man turns to the dog and asks, “What’s on top of a house?”
“Roof!” the dog barks.
The bartender shakes his head. “That’s not talking.”
The man asks, “What’s sandpaper feel like?”
“Ruff!” the dog replies.
The bartender sighs. “Get out.”
As the man and dog are walking out, the dog looks up at him and says, “Should I have said ‘coarse’ instead?”
(Bet you didn’t see that coming!)
3. Marriage Wisdom
A husband and wife are arguing.
The husband finally sighs and says, “You should learn to embrace your mistakes.”
His wife smiles and hugs him.
(Smart move, lady. Smart move.)
4. Speeding Ticket
A police officer pulls a man over for speeding.
Officer: “Do you know why I stopped you?”
Driver: “Because you saw how good I look in this car?”
Officer: “No, sir, you were going 20 miles over the limit.”
Driver: “But I had to! I was racing to get away from my wife’s bad cooking!”
Officer: “Nice try. I’ve heard better excuses.”
Driver: “Fine. I was rushing home to eat my wife’s delicious cooking before it got cold.”
Officer: “Alright, carry on.”
(Quick thinking saves the day!)
5. Grandma’s Password
A grandson helps his grandma set up a new password on her computer.
He asks, “What do you want your password to be?”
She thinks for a moment and says, “Potato.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Why?”
Grandma shrugs, “Because it has so many letters in it.”
Confused, he checks her screen. The password box reads: “Password must contain at least 8 characters.”
(Nana’s got her own way of reading instructions!)
6. Doctor’s Orders
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get this horrible stabbing pain in my eye.”
The doctor nods and asks, “Have you tried taking the spoon out of the cup first?”
(The simplest solutions are always the best!)
There you have it—six jokes to keep you laughing all weekend long! Which one was your favorite?
